Full Script [Announcer]
5, 6, 7, 8!

[Dance Captain]
[man looking for Kelly sisters]
Has anybody seen the Kelly sisters?
You, you're up in 5.

[Velma Kelly] (getting out of the car)
- Keep the change, Charlie.

[Charlie - driver]
- Thank you.

[Dance Captain]
Where the hell have you been? And where is Veronica?

[Velma Kelly]
she isn't herself tonight

[Dance Captain]
But tonight's your sister act.

[Velma Kelly]
Don't sweat it. I'll can do it alone. sh*t! All right!

[Dance Captain?]
Move it! Move it! Hurry up!

[Announcer]
Ladies and gentlemen, the Onyx club is proud to present Chicago's hottest show
in the world. Two Jazz babes moving as one. The Kelly sisters!

[Velma Kelly]
Come on babe
Why don't we paint the town?
And all that Jazz
I'm gonna rouge my knees
And roll my stockings down
And all that jazz
Start the car
I know a whoopee spot
Where the gin is cold
But the piano's hot
It's just a noisy hall
Where there's a nightly brawl
And all
That
Jazz

[Announcer]
Make that two)

[Velma Kelly]
And all that jazz
And all that jazz
Slick your hair
And wear your buckle shoes
And all that Jazz
I hear that Father Dip
Is gonna blow the blues
And all that Jazz
Hold on, hon
We're gonna bunny hug
I bought some aspirin
Down at United Drug
I case you shake apart
And want a brand new start
To do
that

[Roxie Hart] (imagine)
Jazz

[Fred Casely]
Let's go, babe.

[Roxie Hart]
But l didn't even meet your friend. That:that manager guy.

[Fred Casely]
Don't worry, Roxie. It's all taken care of.

[Roxie Hart]
You told him about me?

[Fred Casely]
Yeah, kid. lt's all arranged.

[Velma Kelly]
Find a flask
We're playing fast and loose
And all that jazz
Right up here
Is where I store the juice
And all that jazz
Come on, babe
We're gonna brush the sky
I bet you luck Lindy
Never flew so high
'Cause in the stratosphere
How could he lend an ear
to all
that
Jazz?
Oh, you're gonna see your sheba shimmy shake

[Company]
And all that jazz

[Velma Kelly]
Oh, she's gonna shimmy 'till her garters break

[Company]
And all that jazz

[Velma Kelly]
Show her where to park her girdle
Oh, her mother's blood'd curdle

[Company]
If she'd hear her baby's queer

[Velma Kelly]
For all
that
jazz

[Roxie Hart]
Oh!
- Hello, Mrs. Borusewicz.

[Mrs. Borusewicz]
- Mrs. Hart.

[Roxie Hart]
This is Fred. He's my brother.

[Velma Kelly]
All
that
jazz
Come on, babe
Why Don't we paint
The town?
And all that jazz
And all that jazz
I'm gonna *
Rouge my knees
And roll my *
Stockings down
And all that jazz
And all that jazz
Start the car
I know a whoopee spot
Where the gin is cold
But the piano's hot
It's just a noisy hall
Where there's a nightly brawl
And all
that
jazz

[Roxie Hart]
Say it again.

[Fred Casely]
You're a star, kid. My little shooting star!

[Velma Kelly]
No, I'm no one's wife
But, Oh, I love my life
And all
that
Jazz!
That Jazz!

[Roxie Hart]
Say it again, Fred.

[Fred Casely]
Jesus.

[Roxie Hart]
Hey, why is the hurry? Amos ain't be home until midnight. Freddie? Fred? Hey,
you know, I don't like you to feel like I'm nagging or anything. But don't you
think it's about time for me to meet your friend down at the Onyx? It's been a
month since you told him about me. I know. Cause that was the night they met
Kelly, plus her husband and her sister. You know, they said you found them in
a kit together. Guess from where it from. Amos opened it to somebody else. I
throw him a party. - You're not going away, right?

[Fred Casely]
- It's getting late.

[Roxie Hart]
I've been thinking a lot about my anthem. Whenever I get a really good idea, i
write it down at my diary before it puts off in my head. And you know what've
come to me? The other day, that all the really knock-out acts. Have something
more different going on, you know? Like, a signature bed. And I thought my
thing could be a loaf. Give them just enough to feel hungry but always leave
them one more. Once I get a name for myself. Maybe we can open up a club in
Varum, you know? You could run it, and I could be the headliner.

[Fred Casely]
- Get off.

[Roxie Hart]
- What's the idea?

[Fred Casely]
Wake up, kiddo, you aren't never gonna have an act.

[Roxie Hart]
Says who?

[Fred Casely]
Face it, Roxie. You're two big towers with skinny legs. And l'm just a
furniture salesman.

[Roxie Hart]
But you got connections. You know, that guy down the club...

[Fred Casely]
There's no guy.

[Roxie Hart]
Yeah, that night...

[Fred Casely]
It's the first time I set foot in that joint. I get clicked a bet from the
trombone player.

[Roxie Hart]
So you never told anyone about me?

[Fred Casely]
Sugar, you're hot stuff. I would say anything to get a piece of that.

[Roxie Hart]
Stay then. Now?

[Fred Casely]
It has some laughs. Let's just leave it like that.

[Roxie Hart]
Fred... You can't do this to me.

[Fred Casely]
You get off! You touch me again, I'll put your lights out.

[Roxie Hart]
- Wait...

[Fred Casely]
- Your husband will be home soon, why don't you watch yourself. Don't head into
sh*t again.

[Roxie Hart]
- You're a liar, Fred.

[Fred Casely]
- Oh, yeah, so what?

[Roxie Hart]
You lied to me...

[Fred Casely]
That's right, sweetheart. That's right.

[Roxie Hart]
You son of a b**ch... (shoot) Son of a b**ch! You son of a b**ch!

[Photographer]
Why you bothering, Sal? This one's all wrapped up. I hear it's a new city
record. From killing to confession in an hour for that.

[Sergeant Fogarty]
Why did you get a murder weapon?

[Amos Hart]
I keep a gun in the underway drawer. Just in case it trouble, you know.

[Sergeant Fogarty]
That's just fine. Sign right there, Mr. Hart.

[Amos Hart]
For you, I'm gladly. Really in gladly.

[Sergeant Fogarty]
And mind that you don't say we beat you up when you at the witness stand.

[Amos Hart]
No, I give myself up. Surrender at my own free will.

[Martin Harrison]
lt's indeed you're the murderer.

[Roxie Hart]
Shooting a burglar ain't murder. Just last week jury sent a man

[Martin Harrison]
I'm always grateful if the citizens know the law. Get him there. You too. Sit
down. Okay, from the top.

[Amos Hart]
A man has got the right to protect his home and his love one, right?

[Martin Harrison]
Of course he has.

[Amos Hart]
Well, I come home from the garage, I see him climbing through the window.

[Martin Harrison]
Aha!

[Amos Hart]
With my wife Roxie lying there, sleeping like an angel.

[Martin Harrison]
ls that true, Mrs. Hart?

[Amos Hart]
I'm telling you, that's the truth. My wife has nothing to do with it. She won't
hurt a worm. Not even a worm. Until I fired the first shot, then she opened
her eyes. She was somehow in sleep. I would say she sleeps in charisma pray.
When I think of what would happen if I went off for a beer with the guys instead
of coming straight home, it makes me sick even think about it...
~
[Announcer]
For her first number, Mrs. Roxie Hart would like to sing a song of love and
devotion dedicated to her dear husband, Amos.

[Roxie]
Sometimes I'm right
Sometimes I'm wrong
But he doesn't care
He'll string along
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine
Sometimes I'm down
Sometimes I'm up
But he follows 'round
Like some droopy-eyed pup
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine

[Amos Hart]
Like I said, even though I shot him, he kept coming at me. So I had to pull
the trigger again.

[Roxie Hart]
He ain't no sheik
That's no great physique
And Lord knows he ain't got the smarts
Oh, but look at that soul
I tell you the whole
Is a whole lot greater than
The sum of his parts
And if you knew him like me
I know you'd agree
What if the world
Slandered my name?
Why he'd be right there
Taking the blame
He loves me so
And it all suits me fine
That funny sunny honey
hubby of mine

[Amos Hart]
And suppose that... just suppose that he had violated her or something!

You know what I mean, violated?

[Martin Harrison]
l know what you mean.

[Amos Hart]
Or something.

Think how terrible That would've been. It's good thing I got home
from work on time. - I'm telling you that.

[Roxie Hart]
He loves me so

[Amos Hart]
- I say I'm telling you that.

[Roxie Hart]
That funny honey of mine

[Martin Harrison]
The name of deceased is Fred Casely.

[Amos Hart]
Fred Casely? How could he be a burglar? My wife knows him. He sold us our
furniture......

He gave us 10% off...

[Roxie Hart]
Lord knows he ain't got the smarts!

[Amos Hart]
You told me he was a burglar.

[Martin Harrison]
You mean he was dead when you got home?

[Amos Hart]
She had him covered with a sheet and she's telling me some cock-and-bull story about this burglar, and how I oughta say I did it 'cause I was sure to get off. 'Help me, Amos!' she says 'It's my goddamn hour of need!'

[Roxie Hart]
Now he shot off his trap
I can't stand that sap

[Amos Hart & *Roxie* (simultaneous) ]
And i believed it, that cheap little tramp. *Look at him go, Rattin' on me!*

Guess she's two-timin' me, huh? Well I'm through protecting her! She can swing for all I care!
*With just one more brain, what a half-wit he'd be!*

Boy, I'm at the garage working my butt off 14 hours a day,
*If they string me up-*

and she's up here munchin' on bon-bons
*-, well I'll know who bought the twine!*

and tramping around like some goddamn floozy!? She
thought she could pull the wool over my eyes, huh? I wasn't born yesterday! There's some things a man just can't take, and this time she pushed me too far. I didn't shoot
him. Boy, what a sap I was!

[Roxie Hart]
You double-crosser! You big blabbermouth! You promised you'd stick-

[Amos Hart]
What're you talking about? You've been stringin' me, Roxanne!

[Roxie Hart]
- Goddamn it!

[Amos Hart]
- You told me it was a burglar! The whole time you've been there jazzin' him! ~

[Roxie Hart]
You are a disloyal husband! Look, it's true. l shoot him. But it was
self-defense. He was trying to burgle me.

[Martin Harrison]
From what l hear, he's been burgled you three times a week for the last month.
So what do you say, Mrs.?

[Neighbor]
- That's him, all right.

[Martin Harrison]

- Thank you. Your story doesn't work, Mrs. Hart. So try this emphasize. Fred
Casely was a good time on the side but goofy here is a meal ticket.

[Roxie Hart]
Meal ticket? He couldn't buy my liquor.

[Martin Harrison]

And Fred Casely could? With a wife and five little Caselys? Or he forgot to
mention them.

[Roxie Hart]
What?

[Martin Harrison]
Oh, yes.

[Roxie Hart]
That bastard! Yes, I killed him. I would kill him again!

[Martin Harrison]
Once was enough. Take her downtown. Come on.

[Reporter]
Take off! This way, honey. Oh, come on. lt's a shame to hide such a beautiful
face. Why you shoot him, honey? Why don't you give a profile, a little smile
like the girl in the toothpaste ad?

[Martin Harrison]
Take while you can. The case is down. District attorney Harrison says this is
a hanging case.

[Roxie Hart]
Hanging?

[Martin Harrison]
- I'm ready to go to the jury tomorrow.

[Roxie Hart]
Wait a minute, what do you mean hanging?

[Martin Harrison]
Not so confident anymore, are you? Take her to the Cooke County Jail.

[Reporter]
Come on, sweetie. Headline. What did you shoot him? Is it...

[Roxie Hart]
Hey, what do you mean hanging?

[Warden]
...Caffeine, cocaine or opium? Arm length. 31 inches... The matrons are on
the way. So don't get too cozy. Put off that cigarette!

[Liz]
Ever had Morton before? She's fine... as long as you keep her happy.

[Announcer]
And now, ladies and gentlemen. The keeper of the keys, the countess of the
clink, the mistress of murderers' row. Matron Mama Morton!

[Mama Morton]
Ask any of the chickies in my pen
They'll tell you I'm the biggest mother hen
I love 'em all and all of them love me
Because the system works
The system called reciprocity...

[Warden]
On your feet.

[Mama Morton]
Welcome, ladies.

Got a little motto
Always sees me through
"When you're good to Mama
Mama's good to you".

You might think l'd make your life a living hell, which is not true.

There's a lot of favors
I'm prepared to do
You do one for Mama
She'll do one for you.

l'd be your friend if you let me.
So if something upsets you
or makes you unhappy in any way,
don't shoot your fat-ass mouth on me
'cause l won't give a sh*t. Now move it out.

They say that life is tit for tat
And that's the way I live
So, I deserve a lot of tat
For what I've got to give
Don't you know that this hand
Washes that one too
When you're good to Mama
Mama's good to you!

[Warden]
Let's go!

[Mama Morton]
You must be Hart. You're a pretty one.

[Roxie Hart]
Thank you, ma'am.

[Mama Morton]
Why don't you call me Mama? We can take care of you. You'd be happy taken down
in these block. Murderers' Row, we called it.

[Roxie Hart]
Oh, is that nicer? I don't think I'm really belonging here. I didn't actually
do anything wrong.

[Mama Morton]
Don't need to tell me, honey.
I've never heard of a man getting killed. When I get used to - just come to
talk

[Velma Kelly]
Hey, mama. Come here.

[Roxie Hart]
Velma Kelly? You're the Velma Kelly? You know I was there that night? I was
there that night that you got arrested.

[Velma Kelly]
Yeah, you're a half of Chicago. Look at this, Mama. Another story of
announcing me in Redbook magazine. Not in memory do we recall so finishing
horrible in double homicide.

[Mama Morton]
Maybe you couldn't buy that kind of publicity.

[Velma Kelly]
Couldn't buy it? I guess I can keep these then.

[Mama Morton]
Let's try.

If you want my gravy
Pepper my ragout
Spice it up for Mama
She'll get hot for you
When they pass that basket
Folk contribute to
You put in for Mama
She'll put out for you
The folks atop the ladder
Are the ones the world adores
So boost me up my ladder, Kid
And I'll boost you up yours
Let's all stroke together
Like the Princeton crew
When you're strokin' Mama
Mama's strokin' you
So what's the one conclusion
I can bring this number to?
When you're good to Mama
Mama's good to you!

[Roxie Hart]
Mama? It's... kinda freezing in here. You don't think maybe there's something
wrong with the heat? Not that I'm complaining, mind you but... you know... lf
you can bring some blankets on the way...

[Mama Morton]
Lights out, ladies.

[Liz]
Pop.

[Annie]
Six.

[June]
Squish.

[Hunyak]
Uh-Uh.

[Velma]
Cicero.

[Mona]
Lipschitz!

[Announcer]
And now, the six merry murderers from the Cooke county jail in their rendition
of The Cell-block Tango.

[Liz]
Pop.

[Annie]
Six.

[June]
Squish.

[Hunyak]
Uh-Uh.

[Velma]
Cicero.

[Mona]
Lipschitz!

[Liz]
Pop.

[Annie]
Six.

[June]
Squish.

[Hunyak]
Uh-Uh.

[Velma]
Cicero.

[Mona]
Lipschitz!

[All Murderess's]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame.
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it

[Velma]
I betcha you would have done the same!

[Liz]
Pop.

[Annie]
Six.

[June]
Squish.

[Hunyak]
Uh-Uh.

[Velma]
Cicero.

[Mona]
Lipschitz!

[Liz]
Pop.

[Annie]
Six.

[June]
Squish.

[Hunyak]
Uh-Uh.

[Velma]
Cicero.

[Mona]
Lipschitz!

[All Murderess's]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame.
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it

[Velma]
I betcha you would have done the same!

[Liz]
Pop.

[Annie]
Six.

[June]
Squish.

[Hunyak]
Uh-Uh.

[Velma]
Cicero.

[Mona]
Lipschitz!

[Liz, girls]
You know how people have these little habits that get you down. Like Bernie.
Bernie liked to chew gum. No, not chew. Pop. So, I came home this one day and
I am really irritated, and looking for a little sympathy and there's Bernie
layin' on the couch, drinkin' a beer and chewin'. No, not chewin'. Popin'. So,
I said to him, I said, "Bernie, you pop that gum one more time..."
And he did!
So I took the shotgun off the wall and fired two warning shots...
...into his head.

[All Murderess's]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame.
If you'd have been there
If you'd have heard it
I betcha you would
Have done the same!

[Annie]
I met Ezekiel Young from Salt Lake City about two years ago and he told me he
was single and we hit it off right away. So, we started living together. He'd
go to work, he'd come home, I'd mix Him a drink, we'd have dinner.
And then I found out, "Single" he told me? Single, my ass. Not only was he
married. ...oh, no, he had six wives. One of those Mormons, you know. So that
night when he came home from work. I mixed him his drink as usual.
You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic!

[All without Annie]
Hah! He had it coming / Pop, Six, Squish, Uh-Uh,
He had it coming / Cicero, Lipschitz!
He took a flower
In its prime
And the he used it / Pop, Six, Squish, Uh-Uh,
And he abused it / Cicero, Lipschitz!
It was a murder
But not a crime!

[June]
Now, I'm standing in the kitchen carvin' up the chicken for dinner, minding my
own business, and in storms my husband Wilbur, in a jealous rage. "You been
screwin' the milkman," he says. He was crazy and he kept on screamin' "You
been screwin' the milkman," And then he ran into my knife! He ran into my
knife TEN TIMES!

[All Murderess's]
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!

[Hunyak]
Mit keresek, enn itt? Azt mondjok, hogy lakem lefogta a ferjemet en meg
lecsaptam a fejet. De nem igaz, en artatlan vagyok. Nem tudom mert mondja
Uncle Sam hogy en tetten. Probaltam a rendorsegen megmagyarazni de nem
ertettek meg...

[Roxie Hart]
Yeah, but did you do it?

[Hunyak]
UH UH, not guilty!

[Velma]
My sister, Veronica, and I had this double act and my husband, Charlie,
traveled around with us. Now for the last number in our act, we did these 20
acrobatic tricks in a row, one, two, three, four, five... Splits, spread
eagles, back flips, flip flops, one right after the other. Well, this one
night before the show we are in a hotel Cicero, the three of us, sittin' up
in a hotel room, boozin' and havin' a few laughs and we ran out of ice, so I
went out to get some. I come back, open the door And there's Veronica and
Charlie doing Number Seventeen -the spread eagle.
Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out. I can't
remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my
hands I even knew they were dead.

[Velma, Girls]
They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming all along.
I didn't do it/ She does not do it
But if I'd done it (she'd done it)
How could you tell me that I was wrong?
They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming
They took a flower
All along
In its prime
I didn't do it
And then they used it
But if I'd done it
And they abused it
How could you tell me
It was a murder
That I was wrong? / But not a crime!

[Mona]
I love Alvin Lipschitz More than I can possibly say. He was a real artistic
guy... Sensitive...a painter. He was always trying to find himself. He'd go
out every night looking for himself and along the way he found Ruth, Gladys,
Rosemary and Irving.
I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences. He saw
himself as alive and I saw him dead.

[All Murderess's]
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

[All without Mona]
They had it comin'
They had it comin'
They had it comin'
They had it comin'
They had it comin'
They had it comin'
All along
All along
'Cause if they used us
'Cause if they used us
And they abused us
And they abused us
How could you tell us
How could you tell us
That we were wrong?
That we were wrong?

[Velma, June, Hunyak]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had
Himself
To blame.
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha
You would
Have done
The same!

[Liz]
You pop that gum one more time!

[Annie]
Single my ass.

[June]
Ten times!

[Hunyak]
Miert csukott Uncle Sam bortonbe.

[Velma]
Number Seventeen - the spread eagle.

[Mona]
Artistic differences.


[Liz]
Pop.

[Annie]
Six.

[June]
Squish.

[Hunyak]
Uh-Uh.

[Velma]
Cicero.

[Mona]
Lipschitz!

[Liz]
Pop.

[Annie]
Six.

[June]
Squish.

[Hunyak]
Uh-Uh.

[Velma]
Cicero.

[Mona]
Lipschitz!

[Roxie Hart]
Who brings along them?

[June]
- What is to you.

[Roxie Hart]
- Who then? Nothing Heard they were Velma's.

[Liz]
Hunyak has done all her laundry for a couple of weeks.

[Roxie Hart]
Fresh towels for change.

[Warden]
Make it quick.

[Mama Morton]- Roxie is eavesdropping
...l can take care of you. There're a couple of things, let me an*lyze to you.
Now, Billy Flynn set a travel on March 5th. March 7th, you would be quit. On
March 8th, you know what Mama gonna do for you? Mama gonna put you back on the
Vonville circus.

[Velma Kelly]
So now you're an agent too?

[Mama Morton]
Until you install private line in your cell, all calls are gonna go through me.

[Velma Kelly]
What kind of dough are we talking about?

[Mama Morton]
You know, it's a crazy world. I mean, Babe Ruth is playing in palace for
$5,000 a week.

[Velma Kelly]
Yeah. And what about someone with real talent?

[Mama Morton]
Well, I can talk to the boys over Wianmarx. With your recent sensation
activity, they seems of thinking to give you $2,500.

[Velma Kelly]
$2,500? Geez, the most me and Veronica made is 35,000.

[Mama Morton]
That's what happens when you have a Redbook presentation.

[Velma Kelly]
You know what, Mama? I always wanted to play in big Gym Conesus most. Do you
think you can get me that?

[Mama Morton]
The Gyms? I don't know. It gonna take you another phone call.

[Velma Kelly]
How much is that gonna cost?

[Mama Morton]
Come on, Velma. I feel about you. You're like family to me. You're like one of
my own. - l'll do for 50 bucks.

[Velma Kelly]
- 50 bucks for a phone call? You must've got a lot of wrong numbers, Mama.

[Roxie Hart]
Oh, Miss Kelly. That's your personals. Oh, no. It's my pleasure. Hey, listen.
Can l ask you something? You know that Harrison guy? He said that what I've
done is a hanging case and he's prepared to ask for the maximum penalty.

[Velma Kelly]
Yeah? So?

[Roxie Hart]
So, I'm scared. I'm sure would appreciate some advice, especially from someone
I admire as much as you. Since I can remember, I have wanted to be on the stage.

[Velma Kelly]
Really? What's your talent? Washing and drying?

[Roxie Hart]
No. I dance in the chorus. That was before I met my husband...

[Velma Kelly]
Look, honey, you want some advice? Here it is, direct from me to you. Keep your
paws off my underwear, okay?

[Roxie Hart]
Yeah, okay. Thanks... for nothing.

[Mama Morton]
She's not that nice, ain't she? I tell you, no matter how big she gives, she's
still as common as ever. I'd like to help you, baby. Take aloft. So, what do
you figure to use it for grounds?

[Roxie Hart]
What do you mean grounds?

[Mama Morton]
What are you gonna tell the jury?

[Roxie Hart]
l'm afraid l have to tell him the truth.

[Mama Morton]
- The truth?

[Roxie Hart]
- Yeah.

[Mama Morton]
That's the one we take you to the death house.

[Roxie Hart]
Holy mother of God.

[Mama Morton]
Relax. I mean, in this town, murder is a formal entertainment. Besides, in 47
years Cooke County never hangs a woman yet. So even it's 47 and 1, they won't
hang you.

[Roxie Hart]
- Jesus Mary Joseph.

[Mama Morton]
you're talkin' to the wrong people What you need, is Billy Flynn.

[Roxie Hart]
- Who?

[Mama Morton]
- Billy Flynn. Some of the best criminal lawyer in all Illinois. He knows about
juries and women.

[Roxie Hart]
How do you get this Billy Flynn?

[Mama Morton]
Not by prayer, dear. First, you give me a hundred dollars. Then I'll make a
phone call.

[Roxie Hart]
A hundred dollars? Will you just... I mean, it seems pretty stiff for a phone
call.

[Mama Morton]
Over these work that we sent, he never lost a case for a female client yet. And
a sweet little puss like yours, let's just say what a blindness you got.

[Roxie Hart]
He never lost a case?

[Mama Morton]
Never. Every girl in this place would kill to have Billy Flynn representing
them.

[Girls]
We want Billy
Give us
B. I. Double L.Y.
We're all his
He's our kind of a guy
And ooh what luck
Cause here he is...

[Announcer]
Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the silver tongue, prince of the courtroom,
the one and only... Billy Flynn!

[Billy Flynn, girls]
I don't care about expensive things
Cashmere coats, or diamond rings
Don't mean a thing
All I care about is love
That's what I'm here for
I don't care for wearin' silk cravats
Ruby studs, satin spats
Don't mean a thing
All I care about is love
All he cares about is love
Give me two
Eyes of blue
Softly saying
I need you
Let me see her standin' there
And honest, mister, I'm a millionaire
I don't care for any fine attire
Vanderbilt might admire
No, no, not me
- All I care about is love...
- All he cares about is love

Good morning, ladies.

[Hunyak]
Not guilty!

[Billy Flynn]
You tell him, sweetheart.

[Hunyak]
Ïîìîãèòå, ïîìîãèòå ìíå, ïîæàëóéñòà!

[Girls]
That's what he's here for

[Mary Sunshine]
Excuse me, gentlemen. Miss Kelly, do you remember anything at all about that
night?

[Velma Kelly]
I passed out. I can't remember a thing. Only that I didn't do it.

[Mary Sunshine]
Any idea who did it?

[Billy Flynn]
No. But my client is offering a substantial reward to anyone with information
about this crime.

[Mary Sunshine]
How much is the reward, Miss Kelly?

[Velma Kelly]
- I don't know, how much?

[Billy Flynn]
- We'll work it out after the trial. Now, if there's no more question, Miss
Kelly and I have got a lot of work to do.

[Velma Kelly]
Flynn, what is that about the reward?

[Billy Flynn]
If the reporters ask again, deny the whole thing later on.
- Thank you!

[Reporter]
- One more question...

[Girls]
All he cares about is love

[Roxie Hart]
- Mr. Flynn, I'm Roxie Hart.

[Billy Flynn]
- Who?

[Roxie Hart]
Roxie Hart, you heard about me. Oh, yeah. The cute one. I was hoping that you
might represent me.

[Billy Flynn]
You have $5,000?

[Roxie Hart]
That's a lot of money. Mama didn't say anything about $5,000. Look, Mr. Flynn.
I'm not very good at this sort of thing, but... Maybe we could make some sort
of arrangement between us. And I can be an awfully good sport.

[Billy Flynn]
Good, you got the idea system. Listen, you mean just one thing to me. You call
me when you got $5,000.

[Billy Flynn, girls]
All he cares about is love
Show me long Raven hair
Flowin' down, about to there
When I 've seen
Her runnin' free
Keep your money, that's enough for me
I don't care for drivin' Packard cars
Or smoking Long Buck Cigars
No, no, not me
All I care about is
Doin' the guy in
Who's pickin, on you
Twistin' the wrist
That's turnin' the screw
All I care about
is love!

[Secretary]
Oh, he'll see you now.

[Billy Flynn]
Hello, Andy.

[Amos Hart]
Amos, my name is Amos.

[Billy Flynn]
That's right. Take a seat. You know, you're a remarkable man. Your wife used
you twice. Pluck the guy and try to pick it on you. Most men are gonna dim
like that swing. But no, you're sticking by her. Actually you're a hero in my
eyes.

[Amos Hart]
That's right. I'm a hero.

[Billy Flynn]
Did you bring the money?

[Amos Hart]
I didn't do as well as I hoped. But, I will, Mr. Flynn. I will.

[Billy Flynn]
This is only a thousand.

[Amos Hart]
Plus this 300 I borrow from the guy down at the garage, and the 700 from the
building in Long Fund.

[Billy Flynn]
$2,000?

[Amos Hart]
And that's all I got so far. But I'd give you $20 of my salary every week.
I'd give you a note with interest. Double, triple, until every cent is paid, I
promise.

[Billy Flynn]
You came to me yesterday, I didn't ask you if she's guilty. I didn't ask if
she's innocent. I didn't ask you if she's drunk, or a dope, no! All I said was,
do you have $5,000? You said yes! But you don't have $5,000! So I figure you're
a dirty liar and I don't waste my time with dirty liars.

[Amos Hart]
Look... I'm really sorry, Mr. Flynn.

[Billy Flynn]
On the other hand, your devotion to your wife is really very touching. I'll
take your wife's case. And I'll keep it. Because I play square. Now look, I
don't like to blow my own horn. But believe me. If Jesus Christ lives in
Chicago today and if he had $5,000 and he come to me, things would have turn
out differently. All right, this is what we gonna do. At the end of the week,
I'm gonna have Roxie's name at the front page of every newspapers in town.
Sweetest little Jazz killer in Chicago. That's the angle I'm after. You make an
announcement, we're gonna have an auction. Tell them we gotta raise some money
for the defense. They'll buy everything that she touched. Everything. Your
shoes, your dresses, your perfumes, your underwear.

[Roxie Hart]
And the trolled records. Like the one I was playing when I shot the bastard.

[Billy Flynn]
I didn't hear that.

[Roxie Hart]
Not that I didn't have ground to remind you. Hey, what are they?

[Billy Flynn]
When we go to trial, nobody is gonna care a lick what your defense is unless
they care about you. So first thing we gotta do is work up some sympathy from
the press. And I'll push you like some Mary Sunshine. But there was one thing
they can never resist. And that is a reformed sinner. So tell me, what's your
favourite subject in school?

[Roxie Hart]
There... I was a real damn...

[Billy Flynn]
There must be something that you're really good at.

[Roxie Hart]
I got high marks in Ñourtesy and in Hygiene.

[Billy Flynn]
Perfect, you wanted to be a nun.

[Roxie Hart]
A nun?

[Billy Flynn]
When were you born?

[Roxie Hart]
On a chicken farm outside Lopac.

[Billy Flynn]
Beautiful setting home, feel every luxury in refinement. Where're your parents
now?

[Roxie Hart]
Probably on front front porch in their rocking chair

[Billy Flynn]
They're dead. Family fortune swept away. You're educated as a sacred heart.
Then you fell into a runaway marriage. Left you miserable, alone, unhappy. Of
course you got all swept up in a mad world, the city. Jazz, cabarets, liquors.
You're drawn like a moth to the flame.

[Roxie Hart]
A moth?

[Billy Flynn]
Now I am a man who will assist and you're a butterfly. Crushed on a wheel!

[Roxie Hart]
Wait, what did you say? Is it the moth or the butterfly?

[Billy Flynn]
- You have sin in your soul.

[Roxie Hart]
- God, that's beautiful.

[Billy Flynn]
Cut out God. Stay with your battle acquainted. Kid, when I'm through with you,
not only will you be acquainted, you can remain on the jury. I wanna take you
home to meet his mother.

[Roxie Hart]
I was born on a beautiful Southern corn dent.

[Mama Morton]
- What?

[Roxie Hart]
- Holy sh*t! I'd never gotta get this straight!

[Billy Flynn]
Pipe down and swearing. Look, from here on, You'd say nothing wrong. Now try it
again.

[Roxie Hart]
- I was born on...

[Velma Kelly]
- Come on... You know what I'm gonna do at witness stand? I thought I'd get all
teary eyes and ask for your handkerchief. Then I think I'd take a peek at the
jury like this. Flash a bit of the thigh, what do you think?

[Billy Flynn]
It sounds great.

[Velma Kelly]
Hey, don't you want to hear the rest?

[Billy Flynn]
Knock it off. You're on the top of my list.
Well, well, well.

[Roxie Hart]
Sorry to be late, Mr. Flynn. Hope you're not too bored.

[Billy Flynn]
I like it. I like it.

[Velma Kelly]
Hey, I heard your press conference is tomorrow.

[Roxie Hart]
Yeah, what is to you?

[Velma Kelly]
Well, you wanted my advice, right? Whatever it is, don't forget Billy Flinn's
number-one client is Billy Flynn.

[Roxie Hart]
Meaning what?

[Velma Kelly]
Meaning, don't let him hug the spotlight. You're the one that pays the scene.

[Billy Flynn]
Remember, we can only sell them one idea.

[Roxie Hart]
I can still see him coming at me with that awful look in his eyes.

[Billy Flynn]
And?

[Roxie Hart]
And we... both reached for the gun.

[Billy Flynn]
That's right, you both reached for the gun.
- Ready?

[Roxie Hart]
- Yeah.

[Billy Flynn]
Thank you, gentlemen. Miss Sunshine.
My client just entered pleads of not guilty. We look forward to the trial the
earliest possible dates. Now is there any question? Miss Sunshine.

[Mary Sunshine]
As you know, my paper is dry. Do you have any advice for young girls, speaking
to avoid the life of Jazz and drink?

[Billy Flynn]
Absolutely yes. Mrs. Hart feels that it was the tragic combination of liquor
and Jazz, which lead to the downfall. Next question, please.

[Roxie Hart]
Ladies and gentlemen, I'd just like to say how flattered I am that you all
came to see me.

[Billy Flynn]
Mrs. Hart is very...

[Roxie Hart]
You see, I was a moth... crushed on a wheel. You know, butterfly drawn to
the... I bet you want to know why I shot the bastard.

[Billy Flynn]
Shut up, dummy.

[Announcer]
Mr. Billy Flynn in the press conference.
Notice how mouth never moves... almost.

[Reporter]
Where'd you come from?

[Billy Flynn]
Mississippi

[Reporter]
And your parents?

[Billy Flynn]
Very wealthy.

[Reporter]
Where are they now?

[Billy Flynn]
Six feet under.
But she was granted one more start
The convent of The Sacred Heart!

[Reporter]
When'd you get here?

[Billy Flynn]
1920

[Reporter]
How old were you?

[Billy Flynn]
Don't remember

[Reporter]
Then what happened?

[Billy Flynn]
I met Amos
And he stole my heart away
Convinced me to elope one day

[Mary Sunshine]
Oh, poor girl, I can't believe what you've been through. A convent girl, a
runaway marriage. Now tell us Roxie.
Who's Fred Casely?

[Billy Flynn]
My ex-boyfriend.

[Reporter]
Why'd you shoot him?

[Billy Flynn]
I was leavin'.

[Reporter]
Was he angry?

[Billy Flynn]
Like a madman
Still I said, Fred, move along.
She knew that she was doin' wrong.

[Reporter]
Then describe it.

[Billy Flynn]
He came toward me.

[Reporter]
With a pistol?

[Billy Flynn]
From my bureau.

[Reporter]
Did you fight him?

[Billy Flynn]
Like a tiger.
He had strength and she had none.
And yet we both reached for the gun
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes we both
Oh yes we both
Oh yes, we both reached for
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun
Oh yes, we both reached for the gun

[All]
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both reached for
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun,
Oh yes, they both reached for the gun
for the gun.

[Billy Flynn]
understandable. understandable
Yes, it's perfectly understandable
Comprehensible. Comprehensible
Not a bit reprehensible
It's so defensible!

[Reporter]
How're you feeling?

[Billy Flynn]
Very frightened

[Mary Sunshine]
Are you sorry?

[Roxie Hart]
Are you kidding?

[Reporter]
What's your statement?

[Billy Flynn]
All I'd say is
Though my choo-choo jumped the track
I'd give my life to bring him back

[Reporters]
And?

[Billy Flynn]
Stay away from

[Reporters]
What?

[Billy Flynn]
Jazz and liquor

[Reporters]
And?

[Billy Flynn]
And the men who

[Reporters]
What?

[Billy Flynn]
Play for fun

[Reporters]
And what?

[Billy Flynn]
That's the thought that

[Reporters]
Yeah

[Billy Flynn]
Came upon me

[Reporters]
When?

[Billy Flynn]
When we both reached for the gun!

[Billy Flynn and Mary Sunshine]
Understandable, understandable
Yes, it's perfectly understandable
Comprehensible, comprehensible
Not a bit reprehensible
It's so defensible!

[Reporters]
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both reached for

[Billy Flynn]
Let me hear it!

[Reporters]
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun
Oh yes, they both reached
For the gun
For the gun

[Billy Flinn]
A little louder!

[Reporters]
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both reached
- Oh, yeah
For the gun, the gun, the gun, the gun
Oh yes. They both reached
For the gun
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both reached for
The gun, the gun, the gun,the gun
Oh yes, they both reached for the gun.
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both reached for
The gun, the gun, the gun,the gun

[Billy Flynn]
Both reached for the...gun

[Announcer]
...The windy city has taken a new criminal to a charge. Let me remind you the
name is, Roxie Hart. The sweetest lady ever accused in a murder in Chicago.
Women want to look like her. Fellows want to go out with her. Some little girls
even want to take her home. Don't get any idea, little lady. On the other side
of town, the assistant D.A. promise the game little jump shooter

[Martin Harrison]
will swing before lridark.

[Announcer]
Who knows? If he lit up to his word, assistant D.A. Harrison might become
governor Harrison someday. At the scene of the crime, everybody wants a little
piece of Roxie Hart. The jar would send her husband back 20 dollars! Maybe this
pretty little lady would get some of that famous Roxie style. It seems everybody
these days is looking for Roxie Hart.

[Mama Morton]
Send the flowers to the yard and you make sure they send them. So, kiddo, you
have any thought what you wanna do after Billy get you off?

[Roxie Hart]
Yeah, I think I'd like to go on stage.

[Mama Morton]
I figure it as much. I already called the Morris office.

[Roxie Hart]
Really? How much is that gonna cost me?

[Mama Morton]
It's a fairly deal. 10% of all your takings.

[Roxie Hart]
Yeah, we'll see, Mama. Besides, I don't even have an act yet.

[Mama Morton]
Killing Fred Casely was your act. That's solo steps in the audience. That song
is my favourite.

[Roxie Hart]
It's a freak act. Besides, I'm better than that.

[Mama Morton]
Of course you are. I mean, you can be as big as Sophie Tago.

[Roxie Hart]
You really think so?

[Mama Morton]
Maybe Canton and Joseph combined.

[Roxie Hart]
You know, I always wanted to have my name on the papers. Before I met Amos, I
used to date this wealthy dude, ugly bootlegger. He used to take me out and
show me off. Ugly guys like to do that.
Once it said in the paper, gangland alcopaly seen a shade Vito with cute
blonde. That was me. You know all my life, I wanted to have my own act. But,
no... Always no, they always turned me down. One big world-full of no. And then
Amos came along. Save sweet Amos. Who never says no. I've never done this
before. But you know, it's such a special night. And you are such a great
audience! And I really feel like I can talk to you, you know? So forget what
you read in the papers. And forget what you heard on the radio. Because...
because l'm gonna tell you the truth. Not that the truth really matters. But
I'm gonna tell you anyway. In the bed apartment, Amos was... zero. I mean, when
he made love to me,it goes like... was he fixing a carburetor or something. I
love you, honey... Anyway, I start to fool around. And I start screwing around.
Which is fooling around without dinner. Then I met Fred Casely. He said he
could get me into a bought film. But that didn't quite work out like I planned.
I guess it didn't really work out to Fred either. So I gave up the whole idea.
lf you can't figure out for all of these, opportunities just pass you by. But...
And now, with all these publicity, I got me a world full of yes!

The name on everybody's lips
Is gonna be
Roxie
The lady rakin' in the chips
Is gonna be
Roxie
I'm gonna be a celebrity
That means somebody everyone knows
They're gonna recognize my eyes
My hair, my teeth, my boobs, my nose
From just some dumb mechanic's wife
I'm gonna be
Roxie
Who says that murders not an art?
And who in case she doesn't hang
can say she started with a bang?
Roxie Hart!

Boys

[Roxie Hart and company]
They're gonna wait outside in line
To get to see
Roxie
Think of those autographs I'll sign
Good luck to you,
Roxie
And I'll appear in Lavaliere
That goes all the way down to my waist
Here a ring, there a ring
Everywhere a ring a ling
But always in the best of taste

[Roxie Hart (recitative whisper)]
Oooh I'm a star.
And the audience loves me.
And I love the audience and they love me
for loving them. And I love them for loving me.
And we jus to love each other.
That's because none of us got any love in our childhood.
And that's show biz,

Kid.

[Roxie Hart and comapny]
She's giving up here humdrum life
I'm gonna be
Roxie.
She made a scandal and a start.
And Sophie Tucker will sh*t, I know
To see her name get billed below
Roxie Hart!
Roxy
Roxy
Roxy
Roxy
Roxy
Roxy

[Velma Kelly]
l just can't take it anymore. Can't go anywhere without hearing about that dumb
tomato! Oh, Mama, not you too.

[Mama Morton]
I've got some bad news, kid. The tool has been cancelled.

[Velma Kelly]
What?

[Mama Morton]
Your name is out of the paper too long. I read about today, it's the Hart kid.
She's hot.

[Velma Kelly]
And what am I supposed to do? Suck up to her like everybody else?

[Mama Morton]
It couldn't hurt.

[Velma Kelly]
Over my dead body.
(camera changes, with Roxie)
Mind if I join you?

[Voice off-camera]
Lights out

[Velma Kelly]
Smoke? Look what some Johnny sent me. Triple cream caramel, all the way from
San Francisco.

[Roxie Hart]
Oh, I'm watching my figure. You know, the trial.

[Velma Kelly]
Hey, Great mentioned that you're on a trip today, huh?

[Roxie Hart]
There have been so many, I just can't keep track.

[Velma Kelly]
Let me tell you, you're exactly same size as my sister. I mean, you fit into
her costumes perfectly.

[Roxie Hart]
Really?

[Velma Kelly]
Yeah, and I'm just thinking, you know, with all the publicity piled up between
us when Billy gets us off, we would be a natural to do an act together.

[Roxie Hart]
You think so?

[Announcer, voice off-camera]
Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Velma Kelly in Act of Desperation.

[Velma Kelly]
My sister and I had an act that couldn't flop
My sister and I were headed straight for the top
My sister and I earned a thou a week at least
Oh, yeah!
But my sister is now, unfortunately, deceased
Oh, I know it's sad, of course
But a fact
is still a fact
And now all that remains
Is the remains
Of a perfect
double
act!
Watch this.

They have to match it with 2 people.
It's just all two people.

First I'd...
Then she'd...
Then we'd...
But I can't do it alone!
Then she'd...
Then I'd...
Then we'...
But I can't do it alone!
She'd say, "What's your sister like?"
I'd say, "Men,"
She'd say, "you're the cat's meow"
Then we'd wow the crowd again
When she'd go...
I'd go...
We'd go...
And then those ding-dong daddies started to roar
Whistled, stomped and stamped on the floor
Yelling, screaming, begging for more.
And we'd say, "O.K. fellas, keep your socks up."
you ain't seen nothin' yet!"
But I simply cannot do it
alone!

So what do you think?
Come on, you can say.

[Roxie Hart]
Pfrrrrrr!!!

[Velma Kelly]
I know you're right.
The first part is sh*t.
But the second part...
Second part is really nifty.

Ok, When she'd go...
I'd go...
We'd go...
And then those two-bit Johnnies did it up brown
To cheer the best attraction in town
They nearly tore the balcony down
And we'd say. "Okay, boys...
we're goin' home, but before we go here's a few more partin' shots!"
And this...
this we did in perfect unison.
Now, you've seen me goin' through it
It may seem there's nothin' to it
But I simply cannot do it
Alone!

[Roxie Hart]
So where's the part we blew the brains out?

[Velma Kelly]
Okay, Roxie. I'll leave..

[Roxie Hart]
No, don't bother. You think you're fooling me? You're all washed up. And it's
me they want now, and l'm a big star. Single. Oh, I almost forgot. You're in
the paper today too. In the back. Velma Kelly's trial has been postponed
indefinitely. Seven words.
Here a little piece of advice. Direct from me to you. Lay off the caramels.

[Announcer]
And now, for all you Chicago's stay-up-laters. Night hours would only come
alive at the dark. We dedicate this tune. Chicago After Midnight.

[Billy Flynn]
This all took place in Lesurevelt? lncredible. All right. Thanks. They just
arrest this woman for triple homicide.

[Man]
Really?

[Billy Flynn]
Yeah, get this. She's an Aries! And her family is in the pineapple or
grapefruit, some kind of fruits.
(camera changes)
The demon Kitty works in something... She's playing house. On the north side
in an apartment, she met Harry. What Harry does for living, no one's quite
sure. But it doesn't really matter cause she's paying all the bills. Anyhow,
Kitty comes home tonight. Harry was already in bed. She goes to change. When
she returns, she notices something rather odd, extremely odd. There're
strippers in the apartment. Kitty disappears for a second. And she returns,
she gently wakes up Harry. Harry says, ''What? l'm alone!'' ''Alone?'' she
says, '' you have two other women in bed with you!'' And Harry says, ''Come on,
darling, you gonna believe what you see or what l tell you?''

[Announcer]
Good night, folks.

[Mary Sunshine]
Miss Baxter, Miss Baxter! Mary Sunshine from The Evening Star. Would you mind
saying a word or two?

[Annie Baxter]
Sure l'll say things. Go to hell!

[Billy Flynn]
Please direct your question to the counsel.

[Annie Baxter]
Tell the counsel I want my money back!

[Billy Flynn]
It's not your money. It's your mother's money.

[Mary Sunshine]
Are you sorry, dear?

[Annie Baxter]
Yeah, I'm sorry that I got caught.

[Roxie Hart]
Okay, Miss Sunshine.

[Mary Sunshine]
Hello, Roxie.

[Roxie Hart]
I got a letter from a guy. He says he gonna hungry strike till I'm free.

[Mary Sunshine]
That's nice.

[Reporter]
Miss Baxter, did you know these two ladies personally?

[Annie Baxter]
Did I know these two ladies personally? Was that your question?

[Reporter]
Yeah, that's my... (Annie kick reporter)

[Mama Morton]
She's very hot spirit, isn't she? Miss Baxter...

[Roxie Hart]
Hey, Mr. Flynn.

[Billy Flynn]
-Yeah, hi, Tracy.

[Roxie Hart]
-lt's Roxie.

[Billy Flynn]
Yeah, sure, I'm just kidding.

[Roxie Hart]
Did you get my trial date yet?

[Billy Flynn]
-Listen, kid.

[Roxie Hart]
-I'm on top of your list, right?

[Annie Baxter]
Go to hell!

[Billy Flynn]
What a helling, huh? And social-like too. Her mother owns all the pineapples
in Hawaii.

[Roxie Hart]
What the hell do I care about pineapples?

[Billy Flynn]
All right... That's all for the questions. And l'll be happy to get back to
you myself.

[Roxie Hart]
Billy...

[Velma Kelly]
How does it feel, kid? Pretty soon we couldn't find your name in the papers.

[Roxie Hart]
Mr. Flynn? (passes out)

[Billy Flynn]
Someone open the door immediately.

[Mary Sunshine]
Oh, my god. Roxie! What is it to you?

[Roxie Hart]
Oh, no. Don't worry about me. I only hope the fall didn't hurt the baby.

[Mama Morton]
Baby?

[Velma Kelly]
sh*t!

[Billy Flynn]
Well, doctor, is she or isn't she?

[Doctor]
She is.

[Billy Flynn]
Would you swear that statement in court?

[Doctor]
-Yes.

[Billy Flynn]
-Good. button your fly.

[Roxie Hart]
I would just like to say that my own life doesn't matter now. It's just that
of my unborn child.

[Mary Sunshine]
Poor girl, you'd have your baby born in jail. My readers won't stand for that.

[Billy Flynn]
I can assure you that won't happen. The trial would come in the least possible
moment.

[Mama Morton]
First time we're ever have one more girl locked up.

[Amos Hart]
Hey, Roxie... Roxie! I just have the good news! I'm the father.

[Reporter]
Hey, Roxie, who's the father?

[Billy Flynn]
The question is completely out of line. How dare you insult this brave young
woman?

[Amos Hart]
Roxie, honey! It's me, it's daddy! Roxie, I'd get to you as soon as I could.

If someone stood up in a crowd
And raised his voice up way out loud
And waved his arm and shook his leg
You'd notice him
If someone in the movie show
Yelled "Fire in the second row"
This whole place is a powder keg!
You'd notice him
And even without clucking like a hen
Everyone gets noticed, now and then,
Unless, of course, that personage should be
Invisible, inconsequential me!
Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
'Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there...
I tell you
Cellophane
Mister
Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister
Cellophane
'Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there...

[Billy Flynn]
Oh, l didn't see you.
Sit down.
Look, Andy, i'm afraid i'm gotta hit you hard.
i can only hope you would think about it.

[Amos Hart]
-Amos, my name is Amos.

[Billy Flynn]
-Who says it wasn't?
it was the kid's name i was thinking about.
You know when she is due?
September.
You'd pass out those cigars anyway.
i don't want you to give a damn on the people.

[Amos Hart]
-People what?

[Billy Flynn]
-Laugh.

[Amos Hart]
-Laugh? Why would they laugh?

[Billy Flynn]
They can count. Can you count? September.
it's the first copy of Roxie's statement from D.A. office. Says she hasn't
copulated with you for four months prior the incidents.

[Amos Hart]
She would know. Yeah, i guess we've done no copulating since... Wait a minute.
That doesn't figure out right. i couldn't be the father.

[Billy Flynn]
Well, forget about that. My client needs your support.

[Amos Hart]
You mean she needs a meal ticket? That's all l've ever been. This time she's
gone too far.

[Billy Flynn]
What you gonna do? Divorce her?

[Amos Hart]
You're damn right! I'll divorce her! She probably won't even notice.

[Billy Flynn]
Yeah. I'm sorry.

[Amos Hart]
A human being's made of more than air
With all that bulk, you're bound to see him there
Unless that human bein' next to you
Is unimpressive, undistinguished
You
Know
who...

[Billy Flynn]
-You're still in here?

[Amos Hart]
-Yeah, l'm still in here.
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
'Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there...
I tell ya
Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
'Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there
Never even know I'm there.

[Amos Hart]
I hope I didn't take up too much of your time.

[Billy Flynn]
I've been waiting for you 10 minutes. Don't do that again.

[Roxie Hart]
This dress makes me look like a woolworth lambshake. l'm not wearing this.

[Billy Flynn]
You wear it because I tell you to wear it.

[Roxie Hart]
I'm not wearing this dress.

[Billy Flynn]
And when Andy's on the stand, I want you to do knitting.

[Roxie Hart]
Knitting? For Christ's sake.

[Billy Flynn]
A baby garment.

[Roxie Hart]
I don't know how to knit!

[Billy Flynn]
Then learn.

[Roxie Hart]
That's no way to win the jury's sympathy.

[Billy Flynn]
You don't need advice anymore?

[Roxie Hart]
Look at here, Mr. Mouthpiece. It seems to me that I'm the one who's coming up
with the good ideas. I'm sick of everybody telling me what to do. And you treat
me like dirt. You treat me like some dump, common criminal.

[Billy Flynn]
But you're some dump, common criminal.

[Roxie Hart]
Well, it's better than be a greasy-mite lawyer.

[Billy Flynn]
Who is up to be saving your ass.

[Roxie Hart]
Who is up for all that he can steal!

[Billy Flynn]
Maybe you'd like to appeal on court without me.

[Roxie Hart]
Maybe I could. Have you read the morning papers? They love me.

[Billy Flynn]
There maybe a lot more when you hang. You know why? 'Cause it's sold more
papers.

[Roxie Hart]
You're fired.

[Billy Flynn]
I quit.

[Roxie Hart]
Any lawyer in this town would die to have my case.

[Billy Flynn]
You're a phony celebrity. You're a flash. ln a couple of weeks, no one would
give a sh*t about you. That's Chicago.

[Hunyak screams off-camera]
No! Not guilty!

[Roxie Hart]
What happened?

[Velma Kelly]
lt's Hunyak. She lost the last appeal.

[Roxie Hart]
So what does that mean?

[Velma Kelly]
What that means? Next week, she's gonna...

[Mary Sunshine]
This is Mary Sunshine, coming to you from the Cooke County Jail, where history
would be made today. Katelin Helinsky would become the first woman in the state
of lllinois to be executed. And so ladies and gentlemen...

[Announcer]
And now, ladies and gentlemen, for your pleasure and your entertainment, we
proudly present Katelin Helinsky and her famous Hungarian Disappearing Act.

[Crowd]
Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!

[Roxie Hart]
You know, it's really not that bad.

[Billy Flynn]
You're clear with everything you read?

[Roxie Hart]
Yup. I've been up all night rehearsing.

[Billy Flynn]
What do you do when Harrison come after you?

[Roxie Hart]
I sit still and look straight ahead. Never look the jury.

[Billy Flynn]
And?

[Roxie Hart]
And l look modest.

[Billy Flynn]
And?

[Roxie Hart]
And...

[Billy Flynn]
And say nothing.

[Roxie Hart]
That's right, that's right.

[Billy Flynn]
That was the deal, right?

[Roxie Hart]
Right.

[Billy Flynn]
You ask me back, I do all the talking and stuff.

[Roxie Hart]
Absolutely, Billy. Whatever you said.

[Court clerk]
Mr. Flynn, the honours are here.

[Billy Flynn]
Thank you.
(to Roxie) You ready?

[Roxie Hart]
Yeah.
Billy...
I'm scared.

[Billy Flynn]
Don't be. I've been around a long time. Believe me, you've got nothing to worry
about. It's all a circus. A three-ring circus. The trial, the whole world...
is all a show business. Kid, you gonna be a star.

Give 'em the old razzle dazzle
Razzle dazzle 'em
Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it
And the reaction will be passionate
Give 'em the old hocus pocus
Bread and feather 'em
How can they see with sequins in their eyes?
What if your hinges all are rusting?
What if, in fact, you're just disgusting ?
Razzle dazzle 'em
And they'll never catch wise!
Give 'em the old razzle dazzle
Razzle dazzle 'em
Give 'em a show that's so splendiferous
Row after row will grow vociferous
Give 'em the old flim flam flummox
Fool and fracture 'em
How can they hear the truth above the roar?
Roar, roar, roar.
Throw 'em a fake and a finagle
They'll never know you're just a bagel,
Razzle dazzle 'em
And they'll beg you for more!

[Billy Flynn]
I object!

[The Judge]
Sustained.

[Martin Harrison]
Your honour, l haven't even
asked the question yet.

Give 'em the old razzle dazzle(cave)
Razzle dazzle 'em
Back since the days of old Methuselah
Everyone loves the big bambooz-a-ler
Give 'em the old three ring circus
Stun and stagger 'em
When you're in trouble, go into your dance
Though you are stiffer than a girder
They let ya get away with a murder
Razzle dazzle 'em
And you've got a romance

[Billy Flynn]
Hello, Amos.

[Amos Hart]
Amos?
That's right, Mr. Flynn.

[Billy Flynn]
Amos, when did you file sue for divorce?

[Amos Hart]
A month ago.

[Billy Flynn]
Was there any reason for filing at this particular time?

[Amos Hart]
I'd say, the newspapers said Roxie was expecting a little stranger.

[Billy Flynn]
That's hardly a cause for divorce, isn't it?

[Amos Hart]
A little too much of a stranger.

[Billy Flynn]
You mean you doubted the fraternity of the child.

[Amos Hart]
Most sure.

[Billy Flynn]
Tell me something, Amos. Did you share bed with your wife?

[Amos Hart]
Yes, sir, every night.

[Billy Flynn]
You expect the jury to believe that you slept next to this woman every night
without exercising the rights of a husband?

[Amos Hart]
I could if I want to.

[Billy Flynn]
Oh, but you didn't.

[Amos Hart]
No, l did.

[Billy Flynn]
Did what?

[Amos Hart]
Want to.

[Billy Flynn]
But you didn't.

[Amos Hart]
Didn't what?

[Billy Flynn]
What you wanted.

[Amos Hart]
Wait a minute, I'm getting confused here.

[Billy Flynn]
Hey, you tell me, Hart. Since you ever question Roxie herself, did you even
bother to ask her if you were the father of the child?

[Amos Hart]
No, sir.

[Billy Flynn]
No. What? lf you confirm that you were wrong, you'd be man enough in a minute.
You would take her back if Roxie swore that you're the father of the child,
which she does.

[Amos Hart]
She does?

[Billy Flynn]
She does! No more question! You can step down now. Well done, Andy.

[Amos Hart]
Roxie, I'm so sorry.

[Billy Flynn]
Give 'em the old
Razzle dazzle
Razzle dazzle 'em
Show 'em the first rate sorcerer you are
Long as you keep 'em way off balance
How can they spot you got no talents?
Razzle dazzle 'em
Razzle dazzle 'em
Razzle dazzle 'em

[Mary Sunshine]
This is the moment we've been waiting for. Roxie Hart finally takes the stand
in her own defense.

[Billy Flynn]
And they'll make you a star!

[The Judge]
Order! Order! Proceed, Mr. Flynn.

[Billy Flynn]
Roxie, I have here a statement that you admitted having illicit relation
with deceased Fred Casely. Is this statement true or false?

[Roxie Hart]
I'm afraid that's true.

[Billy Flynn]
You're an honestly girl, Roxie. When did you first meet Fred Casely?

[Roxie Hart]
When he sold Amos and me our furniture.

[Billy Flynn]
In your personal relationship with him, you told the jury when that began.

[Roxie Hart]
When I permitted him to escort me home one night, I don't think I would've gone
with him if Mr. Hart and me hadn't quarreled that very morning.

[Billy Flynn]
Quarrel?

[Roxie Hart]
Yes, sir.

[Billy Flynn]
Well, I supposed it's his fault.

[Roxie Hart]
Oh, no, sir. It was my fault. I supposed I just couldn't stop pestering him.

[Billy Flynn]
Pestering him? By what?

[Roxie Hart]
I didn't like him working those long hours at the garage. I wanted him home
with me... to done his socks and iron his shirts. I wanted a real home. A child.

[Billy Flynn]
So you drifted into this illicit relationship because you're unhappy at home.

[Roxie Hart]
Yes, most unhappy.

[Billy Flynn]
Roxie Hart! The state has accused you the murder of Fred Casely. Are you guilty
or not?

[Roxie Hart]
I'm not guilty... I killed him, I did. But I'm not a criminal. l'm not a
criminal...

[Billy Flynn]
Roxie... Did you recall the night of June 14th? Could you tell the jury in
your own words the happening of that night.

[Roxie Hart]
When Fred came over, I told him a good news.

[Billy Flynn]
What was it?

[Roxie Hart]
That me and Amos are gonna have a baby. And it was all over between us.

[Billy Flynn]
What happened then?

[Roxie Hart]
Then...

[Billy Flynn]
Did he threaten you, Roxie?

[Martin Harrison]
Objection, your honour. Counsel is leading the witness.

[The Judge]
Sustained.

[Billy Flynn]
What does Casely say when you told him the news?

[Roxie Hart]
I'll kill you before I see you have another man's child!

[Billy Flynn]
Could you tell the audience... the jury, what happened next?

[Roxie Hart]
In his passion, he tore off my robe and he threw me on the bed. And Mr. Hart's
pistol was lying there between us.

[Billy Flynn]
And then!

[Roxie Hart]
And then we both reached for the gun and I got it first. And then he came
towards me with this awful look in his eyes. He was angry and wild!

[Billy Flynn]
Wild! And did you think that he might kill you?

[Roxie Hart]
Oh, yes, sir!

[Billy Flynn]
So was his life or yours?

[Roxie Hart]
And I just mine. I closed my eyes and I shot!

[Billy Flynn]
To defense for your life!

[Roxie Hart]
And to save my husband's innocent unborn child. (pass out)

[The Judge]
Order!

[Roxie Hart]
What a bull's eye, huh?

[The Judge]
Order in this court!

[Amos Hart]
Roxie!

[Mary Sunshine]
Here in the courtroom... Mrs. Hart's behavior (camera changes to prison)
has been truly extraordinary. Opening her eyes, she fenced herself with her
attorney's handkerchief.

[Velma Kelly]
Handkerchief?

[Mary Sunshine]
Poor child has no relief. She looks around now, seeming to want something.
It's a glass of water.

[Velma Kelly]
Oh, Mama, that was my bid! I told Billy, I wanna do that at my trial!

[Mary Sunshine]
But now her eyes flatter wildly and she... Mrs. Hart has fainted again.
She flumps over her chiffon dress up around her knees, revealing a glimpse of
blue garder with Ryan-stone buckle.

[Velma Kelly]
Oh, Mama, she stole my garder. She stole my garder!

[Mama Morton]
Don't break my radio!

[Velma Kelly]
First she steals my publicity, then she steals my lawyer, my trial date,
now she stole my goddamn garder.

[Mama Morton]
What do you expect? I mean these days you get a little success and it's good
rinse for the people who put you here.

[Velma Kelly]
It ain't no justice in the world. That's nothing you can do about it.

[Mama Morton]
You think they got you a page just to listen to my radio? People and publicity
only interested in things when we think no one's looking. (shows Roxie's diary)

[Velma Kelly]
Oh, Mama.

[Court clerk]
State call for the witness. Left down on bible, raise your right hand and swear
tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, help you God!

[Velma Kelly]
Amen so!

[Court clerk]
Have a seat.

[Martin Harrison]
Would you state your name for the record please.

[Velma Kelly]
Velma Kelly.

[Martin Harrison]
Miss Kelly, would you please tell the court the object l'm holding is the one
you have come upon in the defendant jailcell

[Velma Kelly]
Yes, it is.

[Martin Harrison]
I submit this as appendix. Roxie Hart's diary.

[Billy Flynn]
I object! My client never kept a diary. Even if she did, this would be
invasion of privacy and violation of fourth amendment and illegal search
without a warrant.

[Roxie Hart]
Yeah, and she broke the lock.

[The Judge]
Order! Well, that settles that. I'll allow it.

[Roxie Hart]
What's the big deal? She's the one that did it.

[The Judge]
If you would read for us, Miss Kelly.

[Velma Kelly]
I haven't worked in a while. "What a laugh, plucking Fred Casely. The big
baboon had a common. I'm just sorry I only glad to kill him once."

[Roxie Hart]
I never wrote that. You... Hey, she made that up. She made that up!

[The Judge]
Order! Please, Mr. Flynn, get control of your client.

[Billy Flynn]
I'm sorry, you honour. It won't happen again. Sit down and shut up.
Or else it gonna get worse.

[Martin Harrison]
I have no more questions.

[The Judge]
Your witness, Mr. Flynn.

[Announcer]
Ladies and gentlemen, a tap dance.

[Billy Flynn]
Tell me, Miss Kelly, you make a deal with Mr. Harrison maybe to drop all
charges against you if you testify here today?

[Velma Kelly]
Oh, sure. I'm not a complete idiot.

[Billy Flynn]
Good. Since you gave such an impressive performance for Mr. Harrison, can you
do me the same honour?

[Velma Kelly]
I'd be delighted.

[Billy Flynn]
Thank you.

[Velma Kelly]
"Fred Casely assured me to get me an audition down at the Onyx. And then he
reneged on his pledge and that's my motive for attack."

[Billy Flynn]
Pretty fancy. What you're saying if a big fat liar who rogue on a deal so I
shot him.

"Amos accused me of having an affair. So I told him that the charge was
erroneous."

[Martin Harrison]
Objection, your honour. Mr. Flynn is twisting the evidence to draw conclusion
to the specious and the...

[Billy Flynn]
Erroneous?

[Martin Harrison]
Exactly.

[The Judge]
Order! Order!

[Billy Flynn]
Miss Kelly, did you know the meaning of the word perjury?

[Velma Kelly]
Yes, l do.

[Billy Flynn]
You also know that is a crime?

[Velma Kelly]
Yes.

[Billy Flynn]
And for example if it turns out you knew this diary was a fake, I hate to think
you rotting away in prison for the next 10