First we have The Fleetwoods
A very successful group
Let's send them to Alaska
To entertain our troops
When they start in a-singin'
And putting on their show
The temperature around them will be 45 below

Wo-wo-wo-wo
I'm Mr. Blue
When I say I'm freezing
Just turn around, head for the warmth of town
I'm freezing through and through
Call me Mr. Blue

Next the Hollywood Argyles
A mighty nice group of kids
We'd like to send them packing
On a downhill pair of skids

There's a group that we know of
That's a-awful hip
Alley Oop-Oop, Oop, Oop-oop
We kinda like to send them on a little trip
Alley Oop-Oop, Oop, Oop-oop
A-Where they oughta go, we cannot tell
Alley Oop-Oop, Oop, Oop-oop
But it's awful hot, and it rhymes with swell
California?

And while they're down there working
They won't be all alone
They'll run into another group that's even hot back home

They asked me how I knew
Our career was through
Oh-oh
I of course replied
Something here inside
Cannot be denied
Do do do, do do do, do do do wah
Smoke gets in your
Eyes

Next we have the Four Freshmen
Of course they've been Four Freshmen
For almost twenty years
It isn't that they're stupid
Well a little, maybe so
They can't afford to graduate
They're making too much dough

In this whole wide world
Is there nowhere to send them
Is there no one place
We can tell them to go

Yeah!
Sailing Sailing, over the water blue
Hail the Kingston Trio
Cuba's calling you-ou-ou-ou!

It takes a worried man
To sing a worried song.
It takes a worried man
To sing a worried song.
It takes a worried man
To sing a worried song.
I'm worried now.
But I won't be worried long

We got the Kingston Trio
Some work on Cuba's shores
They hung around Havana
To do a few encores
Castro said I like 'em
Let's hang 'em up some more
Now he has all three
Hanging permanently

Hang down the Kingston Trio
Hang 'em from a tall oak tree
Eliminate the Kingston Trio
More money for you and me

Dion and the Belmonts
Are driving us to tears
Let's send them up the river
For about a hundred years
While the kids are watching Dion singing about the stars
The Belmonts are out in the parking lot stealing hubcaps off
Of cars

Each time I steal a hubcap
It almost breaks my heart
Why do I steal a hubcap
Why do I have to start
Each night I ask the stars without fail
Why must I be a teenager in jail?

Where these groups all come from
We really do not know
But if they ever ask us
We will tell them where to go!