La Vie Boheme Cafe Owner:
No please no
Not tonight please no
Mister- Can't you go-
Not tonight- Can't have a scene

ROGER
What?

Cafe Owner:
Go, please go;
You- Hello sir
I said no
Improtant customer

MARK
What am I- Just a blur?

Cafe Owner:
You sit all night -You never buy!

MARK
That's a lie - That's a lie
I had a tea the other day

Cafe Owner:
You couldn't pay

MARK
Oh yeah

COLLINS
Benjamin Coffin III- Here?

Cafe Owner:
Oh no!

ALL
Wine and beer!

MAUREEN
The enemy of Avenue A
We'll stay

Cafe Owner:
Oiy Vey!

COLLINS
What brings a Mogul in his own mind to the Life Cafe?

BENNY
I would like to propose a toast
To Maureen's noble try
It went well

MAUREEN
Go to hell

BENNY
Was the yuppie scum stomped?
Not counting the homeless
How many tickets weren't comp'ed?

ROGER
Why Did Muffy--

BENNY
Alison

ROGER
Miss The Show?

BENNY
There was a death in the family
If you must know

ANGEL
Who died?

BENNY
Our akita

MARK, RODGER, ANGEL, COLLINS
Evita

BENNY
Mimi- I'm surprised
A bright and charming girl like you
Hangs out with these slackers
(Who don't adhere to deals)

They make fun -Yet I am the one
Attempting to do some good
Or do you really want a neighborhood
Where people p**s on your stoop every night?

Bohemia, Bohemia
Is a fallacy in your head
This is Calcutta
Bohemia is dead

MARK
Dearly beloved, we gather here to say
our goodbyes

COLLINS & ROGER
Dies Irae - Dies Illa
Kyrie Eleison
Yitgadal V' Yitkadash (etc.)

MARK
Here she lies
No one knew her worth
The late great daughter of Mother Earth
On these nights when we celebrate the birth
In that little town of Bethlehem
We raise our glass- You bet your ass to-
La Vie Boheme

ALL
La Vie Boheme
La Vie Boheme
La Vie Boheme
La Vie Boheme

MARK
To days of inspiration,
Playing hookey, making something
Out of nothing, the need
To express-
To communicate,
To going against the grain,
Going insane,
Going mad

To loving tension, no pension
To more than one dimension,
To starving for attention,
Hating convention, hating pretension,
Not to mention of course,
Hating dear old mom and dad

To riding your bike
Midday past the three piece suits-
To fruits- To no absolutes-
To Absolut- To choice-
To the Village Voice-
To any passing fad

To being an us- For once-
Instead of a them-

ALL
La Vie Boheme
La Vie Boheme

MAUREEN
Is the equipment in a pyramid?

JOANNE
It is, Maureen

MAUREEN
The mixer dosn't have a case
Don't give me that face

MR. GREY
AHHEMM

MAUREEN
Hey Mister- She's my sister

MR. GREY
So that's five miso soup,
Four seaweed salad
Three soy burger dinner,
Two tofu dog platter
And one pasta with meatless balls

A BOY
Eww

COLLINS
It tastes the same

MIMI
If you close your eyes

MR. GREY
And thirteen orders of fries
Is that it here?

ALL
Wine and beer!

MIMI & ANGEL
To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries
To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese
To leather, to dildos, To curry Vindaloo
To Huevos Rancheros and Maya Angelou

MAUREEN & COLLINS
Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion,
Creation, Vacation

MARK
Mucho masturbation

MAUREEN & COLLINS
Compassion, to fashion, to passion
When it's new

COLLINS
To Sontag

ANGEL
To Sondheim

FOUR PEOPLE
To anything taboo

COLLINS & ROGER
Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage

COLLINS
Lenny Bruce

ROGER
Langston Hughes

MAUREEN
To the stage!

PERSON #1
To Uta

PERSON #2
To Buddha

PERSON #3
Pablo Neruda, too

MARK & MIMI
Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow
To blow off Auntie Em

ALL
La Vie Boheme

MAUREEN
And wipe the speakers off before you pack

JOANNE
Yes, Maureen

MAUREEN
Well- Hurry back

MR. GREY
Sisters?

MAUREEN
We're close

ANGEL, COLLINS, MAUREEN, MARK & MR GREY
Brothers!

MARK, ANGEL, MIMI & 3 OTHERS
Bisexuals, trisexuals, Homo Sapiens,
Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men,
Pee Wee Herman
German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein
Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa
Carmina Burana

ALL
To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy
Vaclav Havel- The Sex Pistols, 8BC
To no shame- Never playing the fame game

COLLINS
To marijuana

ALL
To sodomy
It's between God and me
To S & M

BENNY
Waiter...Waiter...Waiter

ALL
La Vie Boheme


WRONG:
COLLINS
In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromtu salon will commence immediately following dinner...
Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap, will perform her famous lawn chair-handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being
stirred.

ROGER
And Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an erection on high holy days.

MARK
And Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the eleventh street lot, will sing Native American
tribal chants backwards through her vocoder, while accompanying herself on the electric cello- Which she has never never
studied.


MARK
And Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song

(Roger picks up a guiter and plays)

MARK
That doesn't remind us of 'Musetta's
Waltz'

COLLINS
Angel Dumott Schunard will model the latest fall fashions from Paris while accompanying herself on the 10-gallon plastic
pickle tub.

ANGEL
And Collins will recount his exploits
as an Anarchist- Including the tale of
his successful reprogramming of the
MIT virtual reality equipment to self-destruct as it broadcasts the words:

ALL
'Actual Reality - Act Up - Fight AIDS!'


RIGHT:
COLLINS
In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromtu salon will commence immediately following dinner Maureen Johnson, back from her
spectacular one-night engagement at the eleventh street lot, will sing Native American
tribal chants backwards through her vocoder, while accompanying herself on the electric cello- which she aint never
studied.

ROGER
And Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an erection on high holy days.

MARK
And Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap, will perform her famous lawn chair-handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being
stirred...And Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song

(Roger picks up a guiter and plays)

MARK
That doesn't remind us of 'Musetta's
Waltz'

COLLINS
Angel Dumott Schunard will model the latest fall fashions from Paris while accompanying herself on the 10-gallon plastic
pickle tub.

ANGEL
And Collins will recount his exploits
as an Anarchist- Including the tale of
his successful reprogramming of the
MIT virtual reality equipment to self-destruct as it broadcasts the words:

ALL
'Actual Reality - Act Up - Fight AIDS!'

[Thanks to Kristen for corrections]