[Guard]
(Spoken)
Alright, when I call your name step forward. Pinocchio, the puppet.

[Pinocchio]
(Spoken)
I'm not a puppet I'm a real boy.
(Nose grows and he laughs)

[Guard]
(Spoken)
That's your patch of mud down there.

[Pinocchio]
(Spoken)
Oh, dopped on a swamp. Man, I tell you sometimes being a fairytale creature sucks pine sap.

[Pinocchio]
Life is disappointing,
Whoa is what I know.
Outted by my nose,
That's just how it goes,
For poor Pinocchio.
Story of my life,
Always doomed to fail.
Cheated by a fox,
Swallowed by a whale.
That's the story of my life, oh yeah,
That's the story of my life.

[Shoemaker's Elf]
Strife is never ending.

[Guard]
(Spoken)
Peter Pan!

[Peter Pan]
Banished from the town

[Guard]
(Spoken)
Ugly Duckling!

[Ugly Duckling]
They dragged me from the pond.

[Fairy Godmother]
They pulled my magic wand.

[The Three Little Pigs]
They blew our condos down.

[Guard]
(Spoken)
Wicked Witch!

[Wicked Witch]
Life is but a witch hunt.

[Mama Bear]
Mama's in the mud,
Mama's in distress.

[Garden Gnome]
They ridiculed my hat.

[Three Little Pigs]
They said that we were fat.

[Big Bad Wolf]
They tore my cotton granny dress,
And called me a hot and tranny mess.

[Guard]
(Spoken)
Sugar Plum Fairy!

[All]
Story of my life.
Booted from ball
Told to go away.

[Humpty Dumpty]
Tumbled off a wall

[All]
That's the story of my life.

[Guard]
(Spoken)
You're late rabbit.

[White Rabbit]
That's the story of my life.

[Guard]
(Spoken)
Have fun you guys

[All]
That's the story of my life.

[Guard]
(Spoken)
And remember if we find you back in the kingdom you will be executed.

[All]
I always dreamed I'd get a happy ending.

[Wicked Witch]
And this right here,
Not how it goes.

[All]
I always dreamed I'd get an ever after.
If this is it,
It blows (x3)

[Pinocchio]
(Spoken)
This is worse than that case of Dutch Elm Disease I caught in Tijuana.

[All]
Story of my life,
All the wasted prayers.
All the broken dreams.

[The Three Bears]
All the broken chairs.

[All]
All the damage done

[The Three Bears]
All the busted beds.

[All]
All the shattered falls

[The Three Bears]
Pourage on our heads.

[All]
That's the story of my life, yes sir.
That's the story of my life, oi vei.
That's the story of my,
Life

[Pinocchio]
(Spoken)
Crap!