I hope that the last the page of your 800 page novel is missing*
And I hope that it rains if you leave the window down on your red Mustang

'Cause everyday ought to be a bad day for you

And if you drop your keys i hope there's a sewer somewhere very nearby
I hope that your team lost; i hope your new girl takes off with a new guy.

(Old version: and if you're out of clean sheets i hope your new girl takes off and it's clear why)

'Cause everyday ought to be a bad day for you

And I would like to be your girlfriend so i could dump you
And I would like to be your garbage man so i would never have to pick up your trash again

Maybe you should wonder why your apartment is always so empty
Well I hope you get locked out of that apartment and have to call jenny

'Cause everyday ought to be a bad day for you

But I'm sorry if it ever is