Sally called when she got the word
She said, I suppose you've heard
About Alice

Well, I rushed to the window and I looked outside
But I could hardly believe my eyes
As a big limousine rolled up into Alice's drive

Oh, I don't know why she's leaving or where she's gonna go
I guess she's got her reasons but I just don't wanna know
'Cause for twenty-four years I've been living next door to Alice
(Alice, who the fuck is Alice?)

Twenty-four years just waiting for the chance
To tell her how I feel and maybe get a second glance
Now I've got to get used to not living next door to Alice
(Alice, who the fuck is Alice?)

Grew up together, two kids in the park
We carved our initials deep in the bark
Me and Alice

Now she walks through the door with her head held high
Just for a moment I caught her eye
As a big limousine pulled slowly out of Alice's drive

Oh, I don't know why she's leaving or where she's gonna go
I guess she's got her reasons but I just don't want to know
'Cause for twenty-four years I've been living next door to Alice
(Alice, who the fuck is Alice?)

Twenty-four years just waiting for the chance
To tell her how I feel and maybe get a second glance
Now I've got to get used to not living next door to Alice
(Alice, who the fuck is Alice?)

Then Sally called back and asked how I felt
Then she said: "I know how to help
Get over Alice"

She said: "Now Alice is gone, but I'm still here
You know I've been waiting for twenty-four years"
And the big limousine disapeared

I don't know why she's leaving or where she's gonna go
I guess she's got her reasons but I just don't want to know
'Cause for twenty-four years I've been living next door to Alice
(Alice, who the fuck is Alice?)

Twenty-four years just waiting for the chance
To tell her how I feel and maybe get a second glance
But I'll never get used to not living next door to Alice
(Alice, who the fuck is Alice?)

I don't know why she's leaving or where she's gonna go
I guess she's got her reasons but I just don't want to know
'Cause for twenty-four years I've been living next door to Alice
(Alice, who the fuck is Alice?)

Twenty-four years just waiting for the chance
To tell her how I feel and maybe get a second glance
But I'll never get used to not living next door to Alice
(Alice, who the fuck is Alice?)

I don't know why she's leaving or where she's gonna go
I guess she's got her reasons but I just don't want to know
'Cause for twenty-four years I've been living next door to Alice
(Alice, who the fuck is Alice?)