Why is marijuana not legal?
Why is marijuana not legal?
It's a natural plant
That grows in the dirt

Do you know what's not natural?
80 year old dudes with hard-ons
That's not natural
But we got pills for that

We're dedicating all our medical resources
To keeping the old guys erect
But we're putting people in jail
For smoking something that grows in the dirt

You know we have more
Prescription drugs now
Every commercial that comes on TV
Is a prescription drug ad

I can't watch TV for four minutes
Without thinking
I have five serious diseases

Like, ‽Do you ever wake up
Tired in the morning?”
Oh, my God I have this, write this down
Whatever it is, I have it

Half the time you don't even know
What the commercial is
People running through fields
Or flying kites or swimming in the ocean

I'm like that is the greatest disease ever
How do you get that?
That disease comes
With a hot chick and a puppy

The schools now
It is all about self-esteem in the schools
Build the kids' self-esteem
Make them feel good about themselves

If everybody grows up with high self-esteem
Who is going to dance in our strip clubs?
What's going to happen to our porno industry?
These women don't just grown on trees

It takes lots of drunk daddys
Missing a lot of dance recitals
Before you decide to blow a goat
On the internet for fifty bucks

And if that disappears
Where does that leave me on a Friday
With my new high speed connection?

Baby sing, sing, sing, sing, sing your song
Sing for me, c'mon now sing
Baby, sing, sing, sing, sing your song
Sing to me, sing a song

Masterminds are another word
That comes up all the time
You keep hearing about these
Uh, these terrorists masterminds
That are being killed in the middle east

Terrorists masterminds
Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe
What these guys do, don't you think?
They're not masterminds

‽Okay, you take bomb, right? And you put in backpack
Then you get on bus and you blow yourself up”
‽Why do I have to blow myself up? Why don't I put?”
‽Who's the fucking mastermind here? Me or you?”

Americans, let's face it
We've been a spoiled country for a long time
Do you know what the number one
Health risk in America is? Obesity, obesity

They say we're in the middle of an obesity epidemic
An epidemic like it is polio
Like we'll be telling our grand kids about it one day
The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004

‽How'd you get through it grandpa?”
‽Oh, it was horrible Johnny
There was cheesecake
And pork chops everywhere”

Nobody knows why we're getting fatter
Look at our lifestyle
I'll sit at a drive through
I'll sit there for I'll sit there

Behind fifteen other cars
Instead of getting up to
Make the eight foot walk
To the totally empty counter

Everything is mega meal
Super sized
Want biggie fries with that?
Want a jumbo fries with that?
Want to go large?

You want to have thirty burgers
For a nickel you fat mother fucker
There's room in the back, take it
Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that?
It's only three more cents

Baby sing, sing, sing, sing, sing your song
Sing for me, c'mon now sing
Baby, sing, sing, sing, sing your song
Sing to me, sing a song

Sometimes you have to
Suffer a little in your youth
To motivate yourself
To succeed in later life

Do you think if Bill Gates
Got laid in high school
Do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
Of course not

You got to spend a long time
Stuffed in your own locker
With your underwear
Wedged up your ass before you start thinkin'
‽I'm going to take of the world
With computers! You'll see, I'll show them”

We're in one of the
Richest countries in the world
But the minimum wage is lower now
Than it was thirty-five years ago

There are homeless people everywhere
This homeless guy asked me for money the other day
I was about to give it to him and then
I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol

And then I thought, that's what I'm going to use it on
Why am I judging this poor bastard
People love to judge homeless guys
Like if you give them money they're just going to waste it

He's gonna waste the money
Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do?
Save it up and buy a wall unit
Take a little run to the store for a throw-rug and a CD rack
He's homeless

I walked behind this guy the other day
A homeless guy asked him for money
He looks right at the homeless guy
"Why don't you go get a job you bum?"

People always say that to homeless guys
"Get a job" like it's always that easy
This homeless guy was wearing
His underwear outside his pants

I'm guessing his resume isn't all up to date
I'm predicting some problems during the interview process
I'm pretty sure even McDonalds has an
Underwear goes inside the pants policy
Not that they enforce it very strictly,
But technically I'm sure it is in the books

Sing, sing, sing, sing, sing your song
Sing for me, c'mon now sing
Baby, sing, sing, sing, sing your song
Sing to me, sing a song