Long ago when I was five
I snuck in the kitchen late at night
And ate a doughnut with a maple glaze

My father asked who ate the snack
I said that it was my brother Jack
And Jack got grounded for fourteen days

I've lived with that guilt all of my life
And the terrible vision that I had that night
No, please! I don't wanna' go back

Down, down thy soul is cast
From the Earth whence forth ye fell
The path of fire leads thee
To spooky Mormon hell dream

Welcome back to spooky Mormon hell dream
You are having a spooky Mormon hell dream now

And now I've gone and done it again
(Rectus)
I committed another awful sin
(Dominus)
I left my mission companion all alone
(Spookytus)

Oh God, how could I have done this to you?
(Deus)
How could I break rule seventy-two?
(Creepyus)
And now my soul has just been thrown
Back into spooky Mormon Hell dream

Down, down to Satan's realm
See where you belong
There is nothing you can do
No escape from spooky Mormon Hell dream

You blamed your brother for eating
The doughnut and now you walk out
On your mission companion, tch, you're a dick

Jesus, I'm sorry
Jesus hates you, this we know
For Jesus just told you so
You remember Lucifer?

He is even spookier
Minions of Hades, have you heard the news?
Kevin was caught playing hooky
Now he's back with all you Cath'lics and Jews
It's super spooky-wooky

I'm sorry, Lord, it was selfish of me
To break the rules, please I don't wanna' be
In this spooky Mormon Hell dream

Spooky Mormon Hell dream
Genghis Khan, Jeffrey Dahmer, Hitler, Johnnie Cochran
The spirits all surround you
Spooky, spooky, spooky

I started a war who killed millions of Jews
I slaughtered the Chinese
I stabbed a guy and fucked his corpse
I got OJ free

You think that's bad? I broke rule seventy-two
(Gasps)
I left my companion, I'm way worse than you
I hate this spooky Mormon hell dream
(Spooky Mormon Hell dream)

Oh, Heavenly Father
(Ah)
Please give me one more chance
(Ah)
I won't break the rules again
(Ah)

I can't believe Jesus called me a dick
Welcome, welcome to spooky Mormon hell dream
You are never waking up from spooky
Mormon hell dream

Oh, please help me Father
(Down, down thy soul is cast)
Please let me wake up
(From the earth whence forth ye fell)

Give me one more chance
(This must be it, you must be there)
I won't let you down again
(You must be in spooky Mormon hell dream now)